Bereavement support (India): grief, trauma, family, and getting help

• Water + a little food (anything you can tolerate). Warm clothing.
• One person to contact (a sibling, friend, neighbour, cousin, colleague).
• A list of 3–5 tasks for today (no more).
• Ask for specific help: “Sit with me”, “Please handle calls”, “Bring food”, “Come with me”.

• ☐ Drink water
• ☐ Eat something small
• ☐ Lie down / rest
• ☐ Breathe 4–6 (10 cycles)
• ☐ Message/call one person
• ☐ If unsafe: call 112 / 14416

Many people find it easier to “tick boxes” than to “feel feelings” in the first days. That’s okay.

• Breathing 4–6: inhale 4, exhale 6, repeat 10 times.
• Grounding 5–4–3–2–1: 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
• Cold water: splash face / hold ice / rinse hands — helps “reset” intensity.
• If there’s a risk you may harm yourself: go to Urgent help.

• You do not have to be “strong”.
• You do not have to reply to everyone or explain yourself.
• You do not have to make big decisions (moving house, quitting job, major financial decisions).
• You do not have to “know how to live without them” yet.

Rituals (prayer gatherings, cremation/burial rites, memorial services, 4th/10th/13th day observances, “chahutha/chautha”, “terahvin”, annual shraddha, church services, ardas, dua, kirtan, etc.) can give structure when your mind is shattered. If they help, let them help.

If rituals feel too heavy: do the smallest version you can tolerate. “I can’t stay for the full time” is a valid boundary.

• “I’m doing my best. Please don’t pressure me to perform.”
• “I need practical help, not advice.”
• “I can’t talk about this right now. I’ll respond later.”

Conflict can spike when people are scared, exhausted, or grieving differently. Try a simple rule: postpone arguments. You can say: “We will decide later. For now, I need peace.” If conflict is intense, ask one trusted person to be your buffer.

It’s common to feel both devotion and rage, prayer and numbness, belief and doubt. You’re not “bad”. Many people find comfort in talking to a faith leader who is gentle — or in private prayer that makes room for anger.

• Tell the truth simply and pause for questions.
• Repeat calmly. Kids ask the same question repeatedly to understand.
• Safety message: “It’s not your fault. We will take care of you.”
• Allow feelings: “You can cry, be angry, or be quiet.”

Children often grieve in bursts: play, then cry, then play again. That’s normal. It’s how their nervous system doses emotion.

• Persistent nightmares, panic, extreme clinginess that doesn’t ease.
• Strong behavioural changes, self-harm, risky behaviour, substance use.
• School collapse that continues for weeks.
• Statements like “I wish I wasn’t here” — treat as urgent.

If a child/teen is in danger, call 112. You can also contact CHILDLINE 1098 or Tele MANAS 14416 for guidance.

Silence can make kids imagine worse things. A short, honest explanation is kinder than secrecy. If relatives object, you can say: “They deserve the truth in a gentle way.”

• Suicidal thoughts, self-harm urges, or feeling unsafe.
• Severe insomnia for many nights, worsening panic, or inability to function.
• Intrusive images/flashbacks after a traumatic death (accident, violence, disaster).
• Persistent guilt that loops and blocks life (“I should have…”) for months.
• Heavy dependence on alcohol/substances to get through.
• Feeling detached from reality (dissociation) or “I’m not here” frequently.

• Tele MANAS (14416): fastest “first door” for urgent mental health guidance.
• A therapist/counsellor: for grief support, trauma processing, coping skills.
• A psychiatrist: if depression is severe, sleep is collapsing, or there are safety concerns.
• Emergency services (112): if immediate risk exists.

They can overlap. In grief, pain often comes in waves and is strongly connected to the person who died. In depression, hopelessness can feel constant, global, and detached from specific reminders. If you’re unsure, it’s worth talking to someone — you don’t have to diagnose yourself.

• Limit exposure to graphic details and repeated retelling.
• Write down key facts once (for paperwork), then stop re-running the story.
• Trauma symptoms (flashbacks, panic, nightmares) are a strong reason to seek help early.

• Expect intense guilt and “why” searching. Your brain tries to create control after shock.
• Stigma can isolate families in India — but silence often worsens trauma. Choose one safe person or a helpline to talk to.
• If you feel unsafe or suicidal yourself: call 112, Tele MANAS 14416, or AASRA.

• Investigations and legal processes can keep grief “open”. Delegate paperwork where possible.
• Protect sleep as much as you can (sleep loss amplifies trauma symptoms).
• Consider trauma-informed therapy (even a few sessions can help reduce intrusions).

• There may be multiple “secondary losses” (trust, safety, money, peace) long before death.
• Relief and anger can coexist with love. That complexity is normal.
• Shame can be heavy in families — support outside the family can be lifesaving.

In many Indian families, responsibility intensifies after a death. Try one boundary: “I will handle one thing today. The rest will wait.” If you are drowning, call Tele MANAS (14416) for immediate support and direction.

1. If urgent: Tele MANAS (14416) or 112.
2. If not urgent: choose one helpline for a first conversation (Vandrevala / iCALL / Tele MANAS).
3. Ask for “grief support” or “trauma-informed support” (if the death was traumatic).
4. If sleep is collapsing or suicidal thoughts are present, ask for psychiatric assessment.

You can read this verbatim:

“I’ve had a death in my family. I’m not coping well. I’m struggling with sleep and I feel overwhelmed. I need someone to talk to and guidance on what support is available. Right now I feel [safe / not safe].”

• Use WhatsApp-based support (Vandrevala) if calling is hard.
• Step outside for 10 minutes: balcony, stairwell, a short walk.
• Say you’re “taking a work call”. Your safety and mental health matter.

In some communities, grief is expected to be “handled” through rituals alone. Rituals can help — but emotional support is not disrespect. If stigma blocks you, anonymous helplines are a valid first step.